This afternoon, I approved the paperback version of Scribbling the Eternal. Within seventy-two hours it will be available on Amazon. My psychiatrist refilled my Klonopin prescription.

This evening, I experienced one of the worst things about being a writer—hating your own work. I thought of something that may have been inconsistent between The Scribbled Victims and Scribbling the Eternal, so I read some of Chapters Eighteen through Twenty of The Scribbled Victims. Fortunately, what I was looking for was consistent between the two books, but the much of the writing looked foreign to me as it had been so long since I had written it. I saw so many spots I would write differently today, and that hurt because I love Yelena and Orly, and their story together so much.

This has always been the case with me. I can be happy with something I’ve written shortly after finishing it, but after some time passes, I’m no longer satisfied with what I was once happy with. Maybe that shows I’ve grown as a writer, but it’s still unpleasant to feel such disappointment. Because of this, I generally avoid rereading my work. Right now, I feel very proud of Scribbling the Eternal, but know that months from now I won’t love it as much.

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This afternoon, I told my psychologist how much my anxiety increased when earlier in the day I discovered that the proof copy of Scribbling the Eternal was delivered.

I’m home now and I’ve looked it over. It’s so much thicker than The Scribbled Victims. I have now only to approve it and within days it will be available to the public.

Because of all the anxiety regarding its release—wondering what the response to the book will be like—I told my psychologist I might procrastinate in approving the proof. I feel like I’m on a high dive platform and I have to force myself to just jump.

I am proud of this book, but I’m not fearless.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Maybe tomorrow I’ll approve it as a gift to myself.

 

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Saturday night, I saw the Mariinsky Ballet perform my favorite ballet—La Bayadere. I always love how dreamlike the Third Act is—The Kingdom of Shades. It makes my imagination swoon. But this performance was made more special by the beautiful sadness of Nikiya’s dance before her death at the end of the Second Act. (Nikiya was performed by Maria Khoreva.) As someone who loves words, it’s awe inspiring to see how much can be expressed through movement. My heart broke for her and it was glorious.

 

Sunday night, I finished listening to the thirty-five chapters of the audiobook version of Scribbling the Eternal. I have only sixteen things I’d like re-read. I feel very proud of this book. I feel like I’m putting forth my best work, and there is nothing more important when you choose to share your writing.

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My first podcast interview posted on the J.P. Cane Working Title Podcast. Hearing myself talk gives me anxiety so the first two times I tried listening to it, I shut it off just after a few seconds. On the third try, I was able to force myself to sit through it. I guess I just worry that I’m going to sound stupid or full of myself. Two of my friends thought I did well. If you want to listen to it, you can click here.

Last night my narrator, Laura Bannister, sent me the audio files for the Scribbling the Eternal audiobook. Because she got it to me two weeks before than anticipated, I believe I will have a November book release. (Fingers crossed.) I have to review all the files, but again, this task gives me anxiety. Though I’m not hearing my own voice, I’m hearing my words read aloud, and there’s something about that that just makes me want to hide in a cave.

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This morning I sent the final version of Scribbling the Eternal to my beta readers. I began writing it on December 4, 2016. According to howlongagogo.com it has taken me 2 years, 8 months, and 24 days to write and edit this book. I feel like I should feel happy or at least relieved that it’s finally finished, but all I feel is anxiety.

Weeks ago, I fell into a deep depression and it persists. I don’t really know why; I’m sure much of it is chemical, and my meds can only do so much. My psychologist believes a lot of it has to do with the book’s upcoming release. I’ve put so much into this novel that thinking about how it will be received just overwhelms me. My beta readers and two others who have read it in its entirety said it’s really good, so I hope my readers like it and think it’s a good sequel.

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I’ve been busy as an author lately. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was interviewed by two websites. The Orange County Readers website posted my interview and a review of The Scribbled Victims this week. You can read it here.

Also in my previous post, I mentioned doing a photo shoot for new author photos. I finally selected one and posted it to my social media. I intend to use this photo for the interview with the This Is Writing website as well as the back cover for the redesigned cover of The Scribbled Victims and the cover of Scribbling The Eternal, when it is released. I decided to go with a black and white image this time.

Author Robert Tomoguchi
My New Author Photo

Speaking of new covers, I will soon be releasing a new cover for The Scribbled Victims. I had been very happy with my current cover as it looked like literary fiction. However, as my designer had become too busy to work on my projects in a timely manner, I had to make the very tough decision to find a new cover designer. As I am working with a new designer, I decided to go with a new look for the entire trilogy. The new covers will feature an image of Orly, but I have high hopes the covers will still look like literary fiction or general fiction, rather than paranormal or fantasy.

Because I had find a new cover designer, this also meant I had to find a new designer to typeset and design the interior of Scribbling The Eternal. (My original designer had designed both the cover and book interior.) Because this is a trilogy, it was important to me that the interiors of all three books matched, so I had this new designer go back and re-typeset and design the interior of The Scribbled Victims. This new design will be used for all books in the trilogy. I just reviewed the second proof of the interior today and only had one change request, so I think the new interior will be finalized very soon.

The text for Scribbling The Eternal continues to be edited, but I am still hopeful for an early fall release.

Finally, I’m now writing the second chapter in the yet to be titled fifth installment of the Me and My Friend Maddie Gothic Book Series.

More to come.

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It’s been weeks since I made a post because I haven’t much to report. I’ve been spending my time doing research for the new Me and My Friend Maddie book. I was trying to build a story about a road trip gone awry when the characters get stuck in a town of hipsters. I’ve been reading Russian folktales, primarily those about Baba Yaga, as I planned for her magical hut to parallel the RV used on the road trip. I also read a book called How to Spot a Hipster as part of the research and planned to structure the story based loosely off of the 1975 film Race with the Devil, staring Peter Fonda. But after all that, I just couldn’t make the story come together, so it’s back to the drawing board. 

This book is important to me because I know readers want to see the resolution between Maddie and Jackie Jinxed and I want to provide that and show where their relationship goes after the ending of The Dead Girl I Like Heart and Stuff. So I think I’m going to do something I haven’t done with any of the other books, which is begin writing the story without having a myth in mind. I feel this way, their relationship can be explored and developed in exactly the way I want, with no restrictions caused by adhering to a myth. As the writing unfolds and the story begins to solidify, perhaps I will look for a way to incorporate a myth into the story. 

So far I’ve used Greek, Japanese, Native American, and Catholic stories to build the other four books. I’m not sure where I will venture next. Perhaps I will ultimately break convention and not use a myth at all, but I don’t know if that will be disappointing to the fans of the series.

For the time being, I’ve put the brakes on Forever Candy as I just can’t make up my mind on which point of view to tell the story from. Each time I decide on a point of view and begin to write, something happens in the story that makes me want to switch the point of view and I would prefer that this book not have shifting points of view. I’m contemplating rewriting the original screenplay version as that medium really worked well with the story. 

On a final note, now that some time has passed since I finished writing Scribbling The Eternal, and the book is being edited, my mind is naturally wandering back to Orly, so I may begin writing the third installment of the Black Wax Vampire Trilogy sooner than I expected. 

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AMS

Because I haven’t written since I finished Scribbling The Eternal, I am really itching to start writing again. I think I’ve taken enough time off. I believe the next thing I work on will be a fifth Maddie book. I’ve been slowly developing plot elements in my head, but I have yet to write anything down. 

I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and watching tutorials about Amazon Marketing Services (AMS), so I can learn how to promote my books better on Amazon. It’s a lot of work and there is a lot to know, but I’m hoping that if I focus devote time to it, I’ll see positive results. 

I continue to dream of a day when I can stop reporting to an office on weekdays and spend all my days writing. 

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Now that I’m done writing and revising Scribbling The Eternal, I’ve been trying to decide what to write next. I always have more ideas than time. Therefore, there are many things I’d like to write. I posted this on my social media recently and it received a lot of likes and many positive comments. 

A New Book in the Me and My Friend Maddie Gothic Book Series.

The last book in the Me and My Friend Maddie Gothic Book Series, The Dead Girl I Like Heart and Stuff, was published in April of 2015. The long lapse is because I was writing The Scribbled Victims and then Scribbling The Eternal. A fifth book feels long overdue. 

However, for many years I wanted to write this other story of mine called Forever Candy. It’s a story I originally wrote as a screenplay (as I did with The Scribbled Victims), but thought I could really expand the story if I wrote it as a novel. There were some difficulties in converting that script to novel form, mostly with the differences in narration. However, during the shower I just took, I believe I made a pretty significant breakthrough on how to overcome these difficulties. (I often think up stuff while in the shower.) 

There’s also a third book I’d like to write, one that doesn’t even have a working title yet. But I’ve been making notes. It would be more literary than anything else I’ve published. 

As I said, I always have more ideas than time. If only life weren’t so short. 

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It’s a big day for me. I feel very accomplished. I finished the final reading of Scribbling The Eternal and am now ready to turn it over for editing. The final word count of the 35 page chapter sequel was 125,146 words. 

As I neared the ending of my read, I was overcome with the feeling that I was agreeing to permanence. That this would be the final version, the final words, the final phrases, the final descriptions. A draft is a hard thing for me to let go of because then there’s no more rewriting. It never fails that after months have passed since I finished writing something, that I find things that I would like to go back and rewrite and say in some other way. But publishing makes things so final. You have to live with it. 

Regardless, after twenty-seven months of writing and rewriting, it feels great to step away from the writing process and move to the publishing process. 

Video 2019-03.17.19

 

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